Vegetable Jokes

 
 
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What’s the fastest vegetable?

A runner bean.

Why did the grape stop in the middle of the road?

Because he ran out of juice.

Why did the Tomato go out with a prune?

Because he couldn't find a date!

 


What did the father tomato say to the baby tomato whilst on a family walk?

Ketchup.

What vegetables are a sailor’s enemy?

Leeks!

Why did the tomato blush?

Because he saw the salad dressing.

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When do you know a banana wants to dance?

When you see a banana shake!

Why do fungi have to pay double bus fares?

Because they take up too mushroom.

Why do mushrooms get invited to all the vegetable parties?

Because they are such fungi’s.


How does a lemon ask for a hug?

“Give us a squeeze!”

Why aren’t bananas ever lonely?

Because they hangout in bunches!

Why do potatoes always argue?

Because they can never see eye to eye.

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Why shouldn’t you tell secrets in a cornfield?

There are too many ears!

What do chickens grow on?

Eggplants!

Why did the tomato blush?

Because she saw the salad dressing.


What is small, red and whispers?

A horse-radish!

What is green and goes to summer camp?

A Brussel scout!

What did the lettuce say to the celery?

Quit stalking me.

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What vegetable did Noah leave off the ark?

The Leek

What do you call a retired vegetable?

A has-bean!

What is a zucchini’s favorite sport?

Squash!